Sunday, March 16, 2008

My Child

I don't talk about her often on here, but I think of her so so much. She is beautiful and full of potential. She is nearly 17 years old, so hard to believe. My daughter. I love her with my soul. She has been away for nearly a year. She has made bad choices. She has hurt herself and the people who love her. She has chosen things that take her down, instead of lift her up. As a mother, I want the world for her. How painful to stand beside her while she self-destructs. I keep thinking, if she only knew how much I love her, it might break through. She is living with her father, who she only met a year ago. I know he cares about her, but is no position to support her or help her achieve anything in this life. She has chosen poor friends there, she has fallen to drugs, she has been kicked out of high school, she has been in trouble with the law. Things have escalated at an alarming pace, in the wrong direction since she went there. Sadly, she chose this path while she was here with me. She could go so far, if she chose to. She could be unstoppable if she chose to. She could have the world, I have longed to give her, if she chose to. But she hasn't, up to this point anyway. She called me this morning and told me she felt she has hit her "rock bottom" and is ready to make a change. I know she is hurting. I want her to come home and help her through school (com college) and see her soar like an eagle, far above the life she leaves behind. I am so hopeful she will yield to our help, our support and our encouragement. I fear, she will change her mind before I get the chance. I want to trust God's plan for her and believe I have a part in it. I cannot envision her having the life she wants, continuing on the path she's on. I want to mend and heal our relationship and our hearts to fuse together again. I want to be part of her life and for her to trust me. I want her to look forward to the future and buckle down and prepare for it. You know, you can't force someone to choose the right path, no matter how right it is, or how wrong they are. You just can't force someone to do anything. They have to want it. I hope she wants it enough to help me make it happen. I miss her. This year has trickled by, missing her. I want her to know how much a part of this *new* family she is, I want her to know she is my family and I am hers. I want her to know we are incomplete without her. Without each other. I want her to choose the proper path and not to break my heart anymore. I want to help her. Please GOD just let me help her. I pray His protection and guidance over her, regardless of where she is, who she's with, or what she is doing. I pray He save her little soul and mend her little heart.


cc1sillygoose said...

I too extend my prayers and I hope your daughter finds her way in this world. Sometimes it takes a person to hit the bottom, to realize they need to rise back to the top. With your love and support I know your daughter will make it back to the top.

Making my way in PA said...

Wow, what a post! I hope things work out well for her. 17 is such a hard age without everything she is going through, I can't imagine what it is like for you and her.

kimmyk said...

so hard.
we want what's best for our girls and it's hard. we just wanna do everything for them so they realize...everything.

she'll find her way...but it doesn't hurt to say a prayer...*done*

she's a beautiful lil' girl.

it's hard bein' a momma.

Stephanie said...

Sorry I haven't been here in a while, thanks for visiting me(I need a little reminder sometimes);) Moriah is beautiful!!! I pray that your love for her will push through whatever she si going through and make all the difference in the path she decides to take. You are a good mom and I'm sure that she will see that:)) (((hugs)))
And Happy Easter too:::))) You and the kids looked very nice in your Easter Pics!! Oh and the girl at the restaurant.....shame on her!!! I think you look great! way to go on the weight loss!! Don't ever get discouraged by someone else's stupidity;)