iheartchocolate

been a while...I know

2009-06-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful I have recorded some of the things I have because to be able to look back and see the different places we have been in our lives, in our marriage..it's amazing!

I have to start by telling you just how very thankful I am for what God has shown me, us..in the last 6 months. He is so SO right here with us, you just don't KNOW. (as Dane Cook says) I wish I could share with you all of the amazing details, but there are far too many to even count. Every day, God shows me something new. Every day I am in awe. It never fails and it never ends. We have met some of the most amazing people out here, in our LahIVES! Seriously, it's not them, I know, it is totally God IN them. But amazing, nonetheless. I mean, some of the kindest, most gentle, humble, loving and selfless people you would ever hope to know. It just doesn't seem to end. One after another, I am blown away by the blessings that we see and know are taking place all around us. The opposition is there too, let me tell ya. So, that's how we know there's something really cool going on here.

ANYWAY, a few cool things of note going on here soon are:

*Matt and I are being officially Baptized this weekend as we become members of our amazing church. I am terrified. I have been before as a child, but I am terrified to do this in front of all these people! Terrified. So much so, I ALMOST said no way. I actually asked my pastor in a really whiney voice, "Do we realllllllyyyy hhhhaaaaaaavvvvee tooooo?" He asked me what the bible told me about it. I said, "AlRIGHT.." defeated. Let me throw in as a disclaimer though, it is truly an HONOR to bare witness to what I believe in. Truly. I'm just skeeered. That's all.

**At the end of this month, the kids (including Moriah!) will be going to the beach to spend a few days with my brother and my soon to be, SIL! I am excited to connect with her and develop a relationship, since you know-she's about to be my new sista! I don't have any real sisters, so it's kind of a really cool thing. I always wanted a sister...hmmm

***Matt is going on a men's retreat with some folks from our old church in NC. I know it is going to be a great time for him to really relax and have a good time. I am so glad he has decided to go, against much current opposition!

****I had lunch with my daughter today, after not seeing her for over a month. We had only texted each other. God has done an amazing work within my heart. A verse, if you feel so inclined, please read this, it is for her: Psalm 106:4, 6-8! One day, I will share this with her.

*****We are traveling to PA next month for a week to see Matt's family! We are so excited to see them. I can't wait to eat some peanut butter pie, I have only ever seen it on his grandmother's table! I must know where she gets it and can they ship it to me in bulk. Monthly.

******After going on a crazy chocolate chip cookie binge that lasted about a month and gaining about 10 lbs, I am back on my stupid, awful diet and it is almost gone! Got self control? Me either. One literally leads to whatever two packages is, a night. Seriously, I have a problem. I am controlling it, but it is eating me ALIVE! I just want a cookie... or forty. :(

*******Our house sells at the end of JULY! I cannot tell you HOW thankful I am. You just don't KNOW. So, we are looking around. Knowing we will live her as long as we are able..we may go on and buy here. Small budget, but who cares?

That's about it, but it's all good stuff. I am so thankful to my God for loving me enough to let me know each day, just how much. He loves you that much too.

By the way.
I share.

Also, may want to check out http://www.the52project.com/

It's pretty amazing.

Taste and see...

Kudos to our mailman!

2009-03-14T10:53:00.001-07:00

I just opened the door to check my mail (which is on my front porch). It is cold and rainy, sooo yucky and I see our mailman across the street, dutifully walking house to house in a thin raincoat. He must be freezing!

I feel for the person in that job anywhere! Thank you mail man, for delivering my mail so close I can reach it without my feet leaving our warm floor. Now, only if you would deliver my tax refund..but thanks just the same!

Altered Plans and Poop

2009-03-10T06:17:00.001-07:00

I should say, Altered plans BY poop. We had a big day planned for us this beautiful Tuesday..however...

Today was Madison's school day which begins at 9am and then I was to head over to the church for my very first bible study class with a bunch of really wonderful ladies. I was so excited to go and they even had child care for Drew! They knew I was going to be late and I had confirmed my attendance as late as last night.

-Madison woke up this morning having cramps and "tummy issues" or "hiney issues," I should say.
-By some miracle, I woke up ON time to get showered and get the kids up with NO crying involved, by me or them-which is a huge plus!
-They ate their breakfast with minimum spillage.
-Got them both changed and their hair just so.
-Drew LOVES to taunt me by soiling his fresh diapers, and so he did.
-Poor Madison was victim of cramping and "stuff" at the precise time we would have had to leave to get to school on time. It took a while, and included squished faced looks of misery.
-I still considered taking her and loaded them up in the car, a little late-but hey we could still make it!
-Buckle Drew into his seat and he looks up at me with his precious eyes and says, "Poo Poo Mama. Poo Poo."
-I feel my entire countanance droop in that defeated way it does when nothing seems to go quite right.
-I unload the kids and all their stuff and come back inside.
-I blog about it, because somehow sharing it with you makes me feel better.

no name

2009-03-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a disjointed post, because I don't have the mental ability to create a more coherant post right now.

*Spent all night in the ER with a croupy Drew night before last.

*We are all sickies, poor Matt has to go to work that way.

*I want to crawl back in bed under the covers.

*As soon as I realized our tax refund was in, I made it dissappear just as quickly as it came, simply by paying some bills.

*It is a relief to be able to pay those bills.

*Credit is just a trap. Avoid it at all costs.

*Our gas bill is GI-NORMOUS.

*The back of the house off the kitchen is NOT insulated, causing much heat loss in the home. Our thermostat was set on 73 or 74 and it was still cold down stairs.

*Problem remedied by simply hanging a thermal backed curtain in the doorway, the thermostat is set 3 degrees cooler and it is just as warm. I am hoping my gas bill reflects this change in a BIG way!

*Drew just turned 2 and I feel like I missed it, even though I was there.

*My head feels foggy, and it isn't because I am sick.

*I have clean laundry in the basement that I really need to bring up and take care of.

*Today is Wednesday and there aren't any good deals at food lion this week.

*I am making hamburger helper for dinner.

*I cheated on my diet for Drew's birthday. I ate pizza for the first time in a year. It wasn't worth it, but the chocolate chip cookies we made and ate that night sure were!

*the end.

2009-03-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

You know what's cool?

2009-02-27T12:22:00.001-08:00

Getting to watch God work in your life or in the lives of others. There have been so many clear things that could only have BEEN God in our lives, here lately, cause we could have never done them ourselves!

Last night we had dinner with some new friends who live on our street. Some of the most genuinely kind and humble people I have ever even had the privledge of getting to know. I am thankful for the connection and the chance to claim such wonderful people as friends. It all began with a delivery of chocolate chip cookies, so you know God was in it all the way! I jest, but it's truth. I just wanted to celebrate such a lovely thing with you, because I am simply thankful and truly overwhelmed that God would concern his mighty self with the small details of our little lives. But He does. He will. I promise.

The more Matt and I focus on where we are and talk about things..it seems we really like it here. Though I am a bit leary of buying again, for fear of being cemented somewhere, I too fear having no tax deduction! Same year Moriah turns 18 and will be claiming herself, we will be selling our home (which is another-both actually-provision we prayed about). So, we are thinking and considering maybe the idea of purchasing here, even this home? We'll see what God does, I'll keep you posted. You know I will!

In other news, Drew is about to turn 2 years old! Hard to believe time has passed so quickly. He's an angel of a boy and I adore him so so much. I am thankful. Simply. Thankful.

We'll be going down to NC to have a little party for him with Matt's fam. Mine came here to celebrate a week or so ago. Rather than have everyone try to mesh and drive all the way here, where I would stress and anxiety over cleaning and cooking..and entertaining, I'd rather have mine here and his there. Simple. None or little stressing. My parents still have to drive, but it's more relaxed having them here.

I will be putting a montage together soon for my Drew man, so be on the lookout for it. I am limited in the pictures I have easy access to, so it may not be quite as wonderful as I wish..but it'll make me cry and that's the point, right?

Hope ya'll have a fab weekend! Heal quickly Kimmyk :)

ugh

2009-02-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

So, apparently-we have a new neighbor. It's a dog. A dog who barks. At night. A lot.

Matt saw him tied out back today, said it's a chow. Oh How I love to know I live next to a chow with my two small children who love to play in the unfenced back yard. I'm so paranoid, I know, I can't help it. Come on, it comes with the territory. Whadaya want from me, people?

Glad this is a rental.

DUH!

2009-02-15T11:24:00.001-08:00

Yes, of COURSE I ate the entire box of chocolates yesterday! And YES, duh, I ate the cookies I made for Matt too. What did you think I'd do on V Day?

And yes, it tasted great, and I felt terrible the rest of the day. Felt, literally terrible, not guilt terrible. Also, yes I am working out today to attempt to burn off 1/18th of what I ate yesterday. Carbs do NOT agree with me, although they taste mighty fine when I am consuming them.

Today is my one year anniversary of low carbing. Truthfully, it's a year now that I have felt better than I have in years and years. Yesterday was a reminder of what I felt like most of my adult life, tired and sluggish. All. The. Time. Not anymore!

V Day

2009-02-14T07:37:00.001-08:00

Firstly, Happy Valentine's day! I hope this day and every day is filled with love.

This post isn't about Valentine's day. It's about treadmills! Something we'll all need after today, right? Or is it just me? I am secretly hoping for some chocolate, but I don't really know if I want it, since it is so hard to back track.

Anyway, my point of this post is to share with you an excellent treadmill tip! I hate the monotonous activity, walking walking walking-getting no where, staring at the wall, as I was. I tried to read a magazine but it was just too tiny to see. The parts I did catch though, I didn't even realize I was walking as I was engrossed in the article. (which was about tinnitis, which is neither here nor there) So, I thought, if I could find a large print book that I like-that'd be awesome to walk to. I of course googled it, because I google everything. Aparently, this was not a new idea..lots of people were talking about walking to a book. So, I just had to find one. I was doubtful there were many large print books of any interest to me, but I was wrong! Went to the library and happened to pick out of the tiny, large print section, a book that I am loving! The trick is, I can only read it if I am on the treadmill. Last night was SO easy and I am actually looking forward to doing it again tonight! So there you go. Get a book. If you like to read. Which I do.

I'll gladly share the titles that interest me if anyone is looking for ideas.

That is all. Get back to making your valentines. Or get to the store already to buy them. Procrastinator!

Work it!

2009-02-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

So, Matt wants us to work out together. I don't know why he thinks he needs to lift, but if he feels better-good for him. He somehow was able to talk me into it and keep me accountable when the time comes and I am feeling lazy. He's good like that. We did it yesterday and today. I feel better after, but for some reason it is so hard to motivate myself to get to it. I seriously felt like a sulky child, whining I didn't wanna do ittttt...

Last week I decided to take a few days off of the low carb thing. I endulged every single craving, ate lots of cookies and onion rings. I have been back on the wagon for 2 or more days and I still am not back in ketosis. The bottom line for me might be that it just isn't worth it. I have been totally strict with my carb counts, but still am not in the "zone". I thought that if I reached my goal, I would endulge every once in a while, but the truth is it is so hard to go back. Let me just tell you this, I love, LUV chocolate chip cookies! Love them. Get the picture? I do, and when my sweet neighbor brought some over, I ate them. All. That was my first cheating day anyway, so I didn't think anything of it...till they were gone and I couldn't stop thinking about them. So, the next day, I bought some and made some..and ate some..two nights in a row. Matt and I sat back and really enjoyed them just like we used to. It was greattt. The next day, I could hardly see how I could do without. So, a bad habit to get back into. I don't know if I will swear the bad stuff off all together, I am not really ready to commit to that. I have been doing this for a year and thought I could just jump off and get right back on. Not so much.

Hopefully working out will help me see results faster than low carbing alone, then I will be super motivated to stay on the wagon. Ya think?

yesterday...

2009-02-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Matt and I had a date-night planned. We hired a sitter (someone Matt works with) and made plans to watch the UFC fight. Initially the plans were to include his friend, who was to be visiting-but he had canceled. We were excited to get out together anyway. Things didn't go as planned though.. apparently Saturday nights are busy places causing a pretty lengthy wait for food or drink. Who knew? (I probably shouldn't have waited to eat-trying to save up a calorie allowance for the meal I intended on comsuming) So, we missed the fight, but enjoyed the night listening to some local music venue.

On our way out the door though, at 8:30, there was a knock at the door. Actually it was the doorbell, but the knock part sounded better. It was a neighbor, who learned we had visited her church. She brought cookies. Chocolate chip cookies that is..my ultimate weakness. Anyway, she was super sweet and I was super touched that she would come out that late on a chilly night to welcome us to the neighborhood and to the church. Her gesture was greatly appreciated and included those still warm, fresh baked, homemade cookies. They were gone before we hit the sack. By the way. In case you wondered. Which I thought you might.

Please Pray

2009-01-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Updated to add: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/levisuhr

I need your support on something guys. We visited a lovely church this past Sunday and at the end of the service a family was brought up front to ask for the congregation's prayers in a matter concerning their toddler boy. This beautiful baby boy has a tumor in his eye and they were having it checked out this week. He and his family are down in NC at Duke. As it turns out, the tumor was cancer and they are having to remove the baby's eye! I am so so sad for this family and they are asking for prayer that the other eye remain cancer free. They are also checking to be sure there is no cancer in his spine. What this family is going through right now, and what this baby must endure in the next few weeks is incredible.

Please take a moment and pray with me about this. I just saw this baby on Sunday, he is a real little boy and this is a real suffering family. Although I do not know them personally, my heart is very heavy with this burden. Please, just pray for him. I don't even know his name but God knows.

Just sharing the wealth!

2009-01-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

Most avid sales hunters already know what I am about to tell you, but I wanted to be sure to pass it along!

End of Season clearance is going on everywhere-this we know! Specifically though, you may be interested to know:

The Children's Place has fantastic deals going right now-3.50 a shirt for the coolest little man clothes! 4.50-5.00 for girl's sweaters too!

The Disney Store has winter items marked way down-Sleeping Beauty Scarf for 2.99! Fleece and warm, and just princessy enough for our little toddler girls..

Macy's-Casual lounge pants in cream, gray and black for 4.99! Junior's dept, but they are cool and they fit!

It's a good time to stock up on next year's winter apparel, that's for sure! Those prices beat any wal-mart, tj-maxx, marshall's or ross deals for sure!

Let me know what deals you are finding!

drum roll please...

2009-01-18T20:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, he wants it. Unbelievable. Unsolicited, and unbelievable. We are thrilled and relieved. There is a lot to do and wait for, for the formal offer and all that stuff..but overall he fully intends to buy the house and it will perfectly suit his needs. Also, his son just went off to Iraq yesterday, so say a prayer for him (I don't know his name) as you read this if you would please.

I hope you know, what is so apparent to me..only God could arrange these circumstances. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in a Big, Personal, God, who cares about all the insignificant details of our little lives. Mostly I believe that He has a plan for us, for our family and we have to be in a certain position to be free from debt so we can do certain things..whatever they may be. We have open hearts where this is concerned, but I couldn't refrain from mentioning such an important factor in this. You see, where we were just 6 months ago, compared to where we will be in 6 more months is astounding. We went from just living, and drowning in our financial obligations and creating debt in order to survive and buy food for our family, to being nearly completely free from all debt. At some point just over a year ago, Matt and I really began seeking God and His will for our lives. Not knowing for sure what it could be, we really stepped out in faith in moving here. It could have been disastrous, if our renters left us high and dry, we may have had to move back without jobs, to try to hang onto the house and not end in ruin. We just didn't know. Who knew? We'll see how things turn out, but I am confident that none of this (positive circumstance) is any result of any single thing I did or ever did in effort to save us financially. And to me, that is astounding. It was such a fluke, that he even found us..such a fluke. I also believe that evil is out there. I truly believe that when God has a plan and you are heading in that direction, you will face opposition. To me, it is inevitable..and I see every little thing that comes up that could deter the course or screw with it in any way as opposition. Realizing this, I have to keep myself in check, being ready and prepared to deal with these things in a much better way than I am usually accustomed. Which is, total freak out. Seriously. I just have to see it for what it is.

This is just stuff pouring out of my brain, you may not agree on all of these things, but I have to say it. It's truth to me.

So, great news. I hope you are having just as lovely a weekend. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers throughout this, I appreciate every single one!

The kids got to see two sets of grandparents today (Matt's parents are divorced and remarried and live within a few miles from our old house). We told Madison she would see her grandparents, but as we drove home, she was quick to mention that she didn't get to see allll her grandparents, cause she didn't get to see grammy and papa (my parents). I thought that was sweet. Hopefully soon, we will.

By the way, we were recently introduced to Dave Ramsey's book, it's a christian perpective and guide on finance and fantastic. The point is simply, acquire no debt. If you can't afford it in cash, don't buy it until you can. This generation is far from adjusted to the notion of waiting, for anything. We were in that boat. We see things differently and are in agreement to follow these principals. Once we are free from our debts, we will work on paying off car loans as quickly as we can. Be slave to no creditor. That is what it is about...so, pick up a copy-or let me share mine..and we can send it all around.

You won't believe it!

2009-01-16T10:15:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you remember, but we were desperately trying to sell our house for about 2 years. We had showing after showing, to no avail. We finally found a renter, so we could get out from under that ginormous monthly payment.

We made the choice to move to VA knowing that our renter could skip out at any point, or just not renew their lease and we'd have to figure out what to do at that point. Well, we had a gentleman contact us out of the clear blue sky who was interested in buying the house. Very interested. We agreed on the price and spoke with our tenant about the possibility of them terminating their lease early for us and giving up their right to purchase. At first, they were completely resistant. The prospective "buyer" was persistant and asked us to offer different scenarios to the tenant. I was very skeptical of his accepting any of the terms, since none were in his best interest. I will tell you, I was floored when I read his response this morning, as he was gracisouly accepting some of the terms and willing to work with us, while giving up his right to purchase at a crazy reduced price. So, we are driving this weekend to show the home to the prospective dude. I am hopeful and overwhelmed that all of this happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. We have no agent and no agent fees! So, we were able to offer a very nice price and still be able to pay off the loans on the house. Keeping my fingers crossed from this point forward. Say a prayer for us.

Madison and Drew

2009-01-14T05:45:00.000-08:00

Madison, what a girl she is. I don't think you could possibly cram any more princessy, pink, girlie-ness into one tiny body. This girl is not happy unless she is wearing a princess dress, princess shoes and a tiara of some sort. She carries one of her various wands with her throughout the house about 90% of every day. As soon as we get in the house from an outting, she begins removing every article of clothing only to be replaced with a dress and jewels of some sort. Similarly, as soon as we venture down the stairs in the morning she does the same thing. She loves sleeping beauty and recently has developed a new fascination with barbie princess stories. I can totally see her as a ballerina in a year or so, she loves anything feminine.

Drew on the other hand, is all boy. Apart from trying on tiaras or playing with Madison's beauty salon items, he is all boy. He is fascinated by balls. At night, he doesn't go to sleep in his crib with a stuffed animal, he has in arm a small football or a basketball, or even a full sized basketball! He sleeps with a ball every night! How funny is that? Tucked under his little arm is usually a football, night or day. Football and basketball, but baseball will do. He gets excited to see them on his jammies, or clothing. When he hears football on tv, he whips around and declares in a loud, deep, tot-voice "BA BALLLL!" He throws his hands up and yells, "TOUCH DOWWWNN!" He received a little tikes basketball goal for Christmas and every day he drags it into the living room while insisting, "Hoops, hoops" so he can play a little b-ball. He's got an arm too, let me tell ya. He isn't even 2 yet, but he can sink every basket he throws wherever he may be in proximity to the net. He tries to do it sitting and laying down too. Don't get me wrong, he's not just a little toughie. He is very sensitive too. He holds stuffed animals and sings rock-a-bye-baby to them. He kisses and hugs them. He often responds quickly when I feign tears in effort to win his kisses. He's a sweet boy, for sure. But he loves any kind of ball and something in me swells with pride when I see him enjoying these things, I don't know why. I don't particularly care for sports, but if he were playing, I would be at every game.

Raised in the same household, with the same adoring parents...how can kids be so different? It's like they were pre-programmed to gravitate towards these gender-specific identities. I have no doubt, our subtle prodding along the way has encouraged the roles to develop. Matt always putts Madison in bed with a kiss, and calls her his little princess. So, from day one, she has had this whispered to her every day. Drew, I don't know where the ball thing happened. I think we encouraged his interest with proud clapping and praise, and it just grew. Even very small, he was interested in balls like this. Matt thinks it is because he watched and spoke of sports often, even before Drew's birth. Could be. Who knows. All I know is that I adore the precious monkeys more than anything.

Better.

2009-01-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

Today is a better day. Actually the last few have been better. I have a problem of being completely over-emotional about anything negative. Sadly, I don't have the same reaction to positives. I wish I did. I'd love to feel overjoyed or over-excited over something to the same degree I feel negative emotions. I just don't and never have.

I feel like I am still recovering from such an emotional storm. It has completely wiped me out physically. I have been more bloblike than I usually am. I don't like that. I want my zest back. I want to do exciting and fun things with the kids, I just don't have it in me right now. The blob-part takes over.

Work has been better and less, which is better too. I was going in so often, I couldn't catch my breath. Couldn't get anything done at home, which always puts a cloud over me. Now, things have settled and we have nothing going on at all and I find myself almost underwhelmed instead.

Matt and I have made amends, and I am thankful. I am thankful he can (after several days and much chocolate) break through my wall of anger the way he does. He's probably the only one who could, or who would bother to try.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2008-12-24T21:22:00.000-08:00

I do hope you all have a lovely and SAFE Christmas!

Try to relax and enjoy the moments with your family.

Don't forget to charge your camera or the video camera,

especially before you drive to grandma's house!

Remember though, who it was that began this blessed tradition..Jesus.

Also, remember what His purpose was, to save us all.

He did that.

For you. For me.

Tomorrow, after the kids have ripped into their new treasures

and you have picked up allll the paper and bows...

and boxes....

and those little wirey things that hold the toys into their packaging

(which I hate),

Don't forget to whisper: Happy Birthday to Jesus!

settling

2008-12-12T10:34:00.001-08:00

So, we're all moved in, and have been for several weeks. I love this area so far. We have met some really nice people randomely and interestingly. We *tried out* a church last week and although it was really cool and contemporary, the pastor lacked the warmth we had grown accustomed to with our last pastor. So, we will continue seeking and following the subtle clues God seems to direct our way.

I have been looking for an evening job for like 2 years or something..finally I found one. Not that I particularly want to work after working at home all day, but I know our family needs me to. I'll be working in the mall=cool for me. With panties and things..so you can guess where it will be. The only problem is the pay, I haven't made so little since I was 16 and it hurts. It really hurts. I am desperate, both for the fundage and to get out of the house a bit. Anyway, this is a very good thing overall and I start TOnight. It's been 2 years since I worked outside the home, so it'll be a transition. Yeesh.

2008-12-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

ours

2008-12-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

My lil secret...

2008-12-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

shhh, I am about to let you in on something. Keep in mind, that I am in a very vulnerable state just now-so don't judge!

I totally may have told you this before, but here it goes again: I am scared of the dark. Seriously, I am and I can't help it!

So, you know we moved, and we like our home, and it's old and yada yada...well the fact that we are in a new place, and it's old, add those both together and they equal an even scarier darkness! Seriously people.

Matt left me here, all alone. Sure, it's work and he couldn't tell his boss, "I can't go, sorry-my wife is scared of the dark and will have a heart attack before bed each night if I'm not there.." So, not only am I wrangling kids all day with no relief to greet me at 4:30 or so each evening...I am alone! Like, scared-allbymyself-crouched-in-a-corner-with-my-eyes-darting-wildly-back-and-forth-to-be-sure-there-are-no-boogie-men-about-to-suck-my-blood! THAT kind of alone. I don't know what it is, but morning comes and I am totally fine, like every other day. My kids keep me company, mostly. I do what I need to do and get everything ready for the evening. THEN they go to bed, and fall asleep, and it's so so quiet. Like, I hear things creaking and don't like it, kind of quiet. Creepy. Matt would kill me if he knew how many lights I am leaving on in his absense, but come on-I have no CHOICE! As soon as it gets dark and the house is quiet, I start feeling extremely paranoid. Paranoid that things, don't ask what kinds of things though, are lurking behind every shower curtain, or window. I NEVER look out the window at night, cause I don't want to KNOW if something is looking back! I have always, always had these *paranoias* and thought I found a solution: my life companion, ie my husband..but I never thought he would ever leave me alone. But he does. Cause he's a big meanY!

Moriah had to finish her semester in NC, so she isn't here to hold me.

Are you scared of anything?

2008-12-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

I have to encourage you to go over HERE and read this magazine. It is really fantstic and I just wanted to share it. If you go to that link and read through each article, I think you will really get a lot out of it, like I did!

You know how sometimes you just want to pass on a good bit of advice, or information you pick up along the way? That's what I'd like to pass on to you. Consider it a gift. You're welcome.

Now, some advice that I would love to hear from YOU is this: WHERE on EARTH can you find replacement tent poles for children's toy tents?? HALP!

Pictures for YOU

2008-11-29T14:15:00.000-08:00

Here is the link to the pictures of the house to satisfy all the ladies' requests..:) : http://picasaweb.google.com/mandyg6931/House1108?authkey=qk5YKcCIjFA# The draperies were already here, but we really like them. One think I find hilarious and perfectly lazy is the fact that the blinds are controlled by remote control! Har. I love the old door knobs and the keyholes in every door. One skeleton key fits all, but they aren't very functional since all the layers of paint makes things stick.

I thought because there were so many businesses near me, finding a job would be a snap. I was wrong! I am prayerfully seeking something that fits our needs, but haven't heard a peep yet.

Madison is so excited about decorating and every time she sees something Christmassy, she says it's for Jesus' Birthday Party! I think that's about as precious as an almost 3 year old can get!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

We're here

2008-11-24T19:28:00.000-08:00

We are all settled in VA and it wasn't that bad! The move, the everything, it wasn't that bad. Or, it was worth it, I think that is how I feel. It was so, totally worth it all. I love it here already. There is SO much to do around here, after being so deprived of options I am in a prime position to appreciate the little things. We are renting a lovely little place and are very happy with our choice. I have high speed internet again, thank goodness.

So, the task of the day has been acquiring job applications and fill them all out. It's tedious, but necessary. I am looking at retail work for the hours I am available. Wish me luck.

My mom came by to see us yesterday and check out the city, the kids were terrible, but it was still nice to visit. Tomorrow we have to go back to NC, Moriah has a class she cannot miss. It'll be an all-day affair, unfortunately...

Have a lovely week all.

Yes, the decision has been made...

2008-11-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

Edited to add:

Sorry, I forgot to mention, the job went to one of the center's own board members. At first, I was miffed, but then I realized there was a deeper purpose in this. Matt was then asked by his boss to relocate to a lovely city in VA. We mulled it over, prayed it over and decided to GO. So that is where we are going..ha forgot the preface there...sorry

We're going! THIS SATURDAY! Life has been a whirlwind as of late, with the packing and the planning and the choosing of the rental home and all that stuff. It sounds fun but it has been an anxiety ridden couple of weeks. I had no idea your comments were even there, they must have been going to my bulk folder all this time!

So, we are going Saturday, and I am thrilled to be back in civilization, believe me. I am thankful for this opportunity. We have a lot to do still, but it'll get done. I will post pictures as soon as we get settled. My internet is supposed to be connected on Monday, DSL again, yayyyyyy! So, I will be able to load all your blog pages and comment you again. Sorry about the hiatus, my connection speed is just so slow here I get so mad when I try to do anything! It was an effort to spare my own sanity..

I have a new job, editing and posting an online magazine for my "publisher", so I will post the link to that when I finish it for next month. The job is very part time, so I am searching for a job that will give 20 or so hours a week. Wish me luck!

Miss you guys!

Decisions...

2008-11-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

Where to even begin?

My husband lovingly surprised me for my birthday with a trip to a beautiful estate and spa. Who IS this man? How did he find the one place that I would adore and actually take me there? He somehow did it, planned the whole thing by himself AND had arranged for his mom to keep the kids overnight for the first time. He would NOT tell me where we were going, so I just had to wait..until we arrived. The gorgeous autumn leaves falling all around us from the trees on this gorgeous estate. It was out in the middle of nowhere! So, we pulled up and Matt says, "go on down there..you have an appointment for a massage.." I started to cry. I have never had anyone plan such a beautiful surprise for me in my life! I was so glad to have the break from home, some alone time with him and it being in this glorious place that a few minutes before I had no clue even existed? That was the topping on the cake. So to speak, of course. We had exquisite meals provided and ate and drank to our hearts content. Of COURSE I had some chocolate too. Duh, it's my birthday. Anyway, wouldn't you all just kill for a husband to do this for you?

Well, fast forward a few days to my actual birthday and I completely melted down. That was yesterday, and today I am much better, but not completely fine yet. I will tell you why after tomorrow. We have a huge decision to make and I'll write all about it once it's made.

It's ready!!

2008-10-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am super excited..will be even more so when I have it in my hand..but YOU can get yours HERE! (if you want one)

They are really geared toward the toddler crowd, since you know, mine are like-toddlers. I am thankful for the smooth and rewarding process.

More later...

Thank you, God...

2008-10-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

Be still my heart. My son, never fails to capture it, all over again, every single day. My son, my beautiful, handsome, little man. The emotion stirred by his pudgy, baby arms wrapped around my neck in a toddler hug is nearly too much for my heart to contain. I can’t describe to you, how dearly I love him.

Drew was sitting on my lap and I was nuzzling him close and suddenly something happened. I had this realization of where he came from, almost like it was the first time I even had even a remote understanding. I held him close, savoring his presence and thought to myself, “you started out so small, so tiny, and grew inside of ME” what an overwhelming realization that was. This boy, whom I adore with every part of my soul, actually came from me. Starting out so small, what a miracle his little life even is (as is every single child’s). God was with him from the beginning, forming his tiny, little self in me. God meshed together part of daddy and part of mommy to create a perfect little human. A perfect little boy was made. A perfect little boy, who brings so much joy to our lives. It is hard to even fathom, with my simple, human mind how truly miraculous his little life is. Beginning so small, made with love-from above and delivered to two parents who would adore him the way we do. Holding my little boy, I thought to myself how he had been “with” me for nearly three whole years and how blessed I am to have been given such gifts as these children. May I always keep in the fore of my mind and my heart, how precious and what an incredible miracle my children are-from beginning to present and in the future. It’s hard to imagine that God thought I was even deserving enough to care for them. He has entrusted their little lives to me, that is difficult for my mind to wrap around. I will never stop being thankful to God for this honor.

I love you Andrew.

Ok, NOW I'm getting excited..

2008-10-14T10:00:00.001-07:00

I signed my "publishing" contract today. My publisher is my step-FIL, had he not been willing, I doubt I would have ever done this. The thing is, I was really inspired to do it. You see, I, like so many other parents out there, am SO in love with my kids. I want their little lives to be perfect and full of pleasant memories and traditions. One day, I was hugging my littlest daughter and I was chanting a rhyme to her as I was kissing her cheeks. It was then, when the little book was born. I instantly thought to myself, how I wanted desperately to preserve that moment for her (assuming it was as enjoyable for her) and freeze dry my love for her into something tangible that she can have forever and one day share with her own children. I want her to think to herself, "Gee, my mom must have realllly loved me..."
I know scrapbooks often hold the same sentimental inspiration or notion, and I only wish I could afford to indulge in such a crafty hobby. So, that is the real motive behind my little book.

The bonus is that anyone can have it. That's the coolest part to me, my kids will always be able to say-"hey, check out this book in the library-my picture's in it!" and they'll be proud. That is just how I want it to be. I know a lot of people write because they feel they have a voice that needs to be heard. I just wanted my kids to always know what being with them was like for me, as their mother, who loves them so so much. I don't mind letting other people in on the story, because I know it is one we will all relate to. I know I will love reading it to my toddlers and others might too. So, for this reason, I feel very proud to have had the courage to pursue this.

The other thing is, when I take a look at some of my children's books, I am sometimes surprised how the "story" ever got published to begin with and I always thought in the back of my mind when encountering one of these, I could do better. Most could actually, but I wanted to.

So, soon I will be posting the button where you can find it...until then I want you to keep something in mind..if you have something you are having trouble publishing, or have never even tried...I have a company you will be very interested in talking to. When I post the links, one will be directly to their website, where you can look into having your own piece published.

I hope your week is starting out nicely too!

hi

2008-10-13T12:12:00.001-07:00

I'm telling you, my internet connection is so slow, I steer clear of here for sanity's sake. I am in withdrawel though, let me tell ya.

I saw a good friend yesterday who knows me pretty well, although I haven't seen her in a year or more. (and several years before that) I told her how long it has been since I have binged on chocolate, at least 8 months...although I have had a tiny amount within that time. She was astonished, and whispered a pittying response of , "Your KIDDING me?"

The more I think about it, it has to be shocking to those who knew me well enough to know my addiction and obsession with chocolate and every other kind of dessert. When we worked together, patients would often drop off boxes of chocolates during the holidays and such-anyone who knew me knew it would last about a day-maybe even just half if it were handed to me. Some coworkers even gave me Godiva chocolates for my birthday, they knew me so well. It's hard shifting away from that, I'll tell you. It's hard like breaking any addiction is hard.

Right now, it's diet soda again...but this is for lack of fundage to support the habit. It's hard. It's always hard. Why do I have SUCH an addictive nature or personality? I'll never know. Why can't I channel it toward good things? That one, I will never know either, I'm afraid.

On to good news, my brother is visiting me this coming weekend. I love my family and so rarely get to see them. I am so excited to see him. I can't wait for him to see the kids at this age, so much fun.

I visited my mom and a friend recently, which was wonderful. It is such a rarity these days, makes the time even more special. The downside to this sort of thing is that "let down" period after it's over. I don't know how many of you deal with this, but it has always affected me after anything I looked forward to. One year, my parents and brothers visited for the holidays while I was pregnant with Drew. I had so much anticipation built up and was so happy to have them with me, I nearly crumbled when they all left. I seriously laid in my bed and sobbed for an entire day. I am sure this is far from *normal*, but hey-that's me! So, along with looking forward to something positive, I also have to brace myself for what I am faced with after. Sometimes I really have to weigh whether or not the positive thing is worth what comes later.

Anyway, that was supposed to be the good news, what happened? I guess I am feeling a little depressed and it kind of taints even the intended good thoughts.

One of the *good* things I had left to tell you was supposed to be about an unexpected job offer for part time work that I would absolutely LOVE to do, but it still hasn't come through. I had just finished volunteer-training at a non profit center and was contacted about a paid position that had just opened. I was very interested, and became very excited about it, knowing that the type of work is just what I was intended for. I feel a bit discouraged now, after learning they were reviewing other applications for the position. I thought they had contacted me to avoid having to do that, but I think I was wrong. However, I don't think they have made a final decision yet, so maybe I am still in the running-I don't know. Hope so. I will surely let you know when I find out!

I am in the process of deleting all past posts. It's taking a ridiculous amount of time because of my stupid connection speed..so that is why you may see things disapear.

Hope YOU have a wonderful week full of GOOD things.

contact me here

2008-09-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

You can reach me at m a n d y g 6 9 3 1 (at) y a h o o

(mwah)

...

2008-09-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

A few things to tell you,

I am having a children's book published soon! It will be available on amazon when it is complete.

I am considering deleting my blog. It doesn't really serve much purpose right now. I still love and will continue reading yours though! If you want to contact me before it vanishes, please feel free to e-mail me.

Hope you are well!

Bloggy overhaulin...

2008-05-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

What'd you say about my new, priddy blog layout?? Did I hear you say you were kinda sick of your old one and want a new one too? You have blog-blahs??

That's totally what I THOUGHT you said.

Just go HERE and get yours!

Cause, you know, BETH is fantastic. She and Christy put their mad skillz together and created Be Design. You can hop over there and take a look at some if their samples.

Do me ONE favor though, totally come back and give me a link to your gorgeous blog.

***They are offering a SPECIAL deal if you get your request in my the 15th!***

Credits...

2008-05-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

You know how your blog is like, your personal space? You love it, because it is a part of you and you love it because it can hold treasures that you want to keep.

I just wanted to thank Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry for decorating my little corner of the internet. I am grateful beyond words that someone would take the time to do that for me, a virtual stranger. Truth is, I saw her design on Crooked Eyebrow and I loved it...I asked if she would do mine and to my surprise, she graciously accepted.

I really love it! No, like r-e-a-l-ly!
You are the sweetest girl on the very earth for doing it!

My Child

2008-03-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

I don't talk about her often on here, but I think of her so so much. She is beautiful and full of potential. She is nearly 17 years old, so hard to believe. My daughter. I love her with my soul. She has been away for nearly a year. She has made bad choices. She has hurt herself and the people who love her. She has chosen things that take her down, instead of lift her up. As a mother, I want the world for her. How painful to stand beside her while she self-destructs. I keep thinking, if she only knew how much I love her, it might break through. She is living with her father, who she only met a year ago. I know he cares about her, but is no position to support her or help her achieve anything in this life. She has chosen poor friends there, she has fallen to drugs, she has been kicked out of high school, she has been in trouble with the law. Things have escalated at an alarming pace, in the wrong direction since she went there. Sadly, she chose this path while she was here with me. She could go so far, if she chose to. She could be unstoppable if she chose to. She could have the world, I have longed to give her, if she chose to. But she hasn't, up to this point anyway. She called me this morning and told me she felt she has hit her "rock bottom" and is ready to make a change. I know she is hurting. I want her to come home and help her through school (com college) and see her soar like an eagle, far above the life she leaves behind. I am so hopeful she will yield to our help, our support and our encouragement. I fear, she will change her mind before I get the chance. I want to trust God's plan for her and believe I have a part in it. I cannot envision her having the life she wants, continuing on the path she's on. I want to mend and heal our relationship and our hearts to fuse together again. I want to be part of her life and for her to trust me. I want her to look forward to the future and buckle down and prepare for it. You know, you can't force someone to choose the right path, no matter how right it is, or how wrong they are. You just can't force someone to do anything. They have to want it. I hope she wants it enough to help me make it happen. I miss her. This year has trickled by, missing her. I want her to know how much a part of this *new* family she is, I want her to know she is my family and I am hers. I want her to know we are incomplete without her. Without each other. I want her to choose the proper path and not to break my heart anymore. I want to help her. Please GOD just let me help her. I pray His protection and guidance over her, regardless of where she is, who she's with, or what she is doing. I pray He save her little soul and mend her little heart.

Happy Birthday Drew

2008-02-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

Conversations with toddlers

2008-02-15T12:40:00.001-08:00

Matt: "Are you a little stinker??"

Madison, "NO! Madison Brat!"

Hey, she said it herself...

But we lovehersomuch and she is The Boss.

Holdit Minute

2008-01-26T05:18:00.000-08:00

My two year old has just started speaking sentences. It is such a fun time, she can say anything now. Yesterday, she was trying to cram a bunch of markers in my hand while saying, "Holdit, minute". I thought I would die. The process of acquiring language is truly amazing. How do they do it?

Our house hunt continues. We have broadened our search to include the town where my husband works. This is currently an hour commute for him. I have out hunting, with my GPS, to check out the homes on our list. They have all stunk, to high heaven. STUNK. There is this one, a repo, it looks in great condition. It's price is 89k. Do you KNOW what a mortgage would be on this? Unreal. Problem is, these bank owned properties won't take contingent contracts, so until ours actually sells, we can't do very much. By the time that happens, someone else will probably have snatched it up. We DID have two showings this week. The first feedback was, it was way out of the client's price range. (then why on earth did she waste everyone's time by coming to see it?), the second one, well they drove through the neighborhood and didn't like it, so never even came in. Geesh. I don't think these people have any clue what is involved in me showing this house. I have two babies, helloo. It is hard to get out of the house for anything, let alone leave it super clean! Bitter? Who, me?
It is just disappointing, that's all. You get your hopes up soooo high, and then nothing. It'll happen. I know it will.

2007-11-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

Drew last Halloween and this halloween!

Madison last year and this year!