Monday, October 13, 2008


I'm telling you, my internet connection is so slow, I steer clear of here for sanity's sake. I am in withdrawel though, let me tell ya.

I saw a good friend yesterday who knows me pretty well, although I haven't seen her in a year or more. (and several years before that) I told her how long it has been since I have binged on chocolate, at least 8 months...although I have had a tiny amount within that time. She was astonished, and whispered a pittying response of , "Your KIDDING me?"

The more I think about it, it has to be shocking to those who knew me well enough to know my addiction and obsession with chocolate and every other kind of dessert. When we worked together, patients would often drop off boxes of chocolates during the holidays and such-anyone who knew me knew it would last about a day-maybe even just half if it were handed to me. Some coworkers even gave me Godiva chocolates for my birthday, they knew me so well. It's hard shifting away from that, I'll tell you. It's hard like breaking any addiction is hard.

Right now, it's diet soda again...but this is for lack of fundage to support the habit. It's hard. It's always hard. Why do I have SUCH an addictive nature or personality? I'll never know. Why can't I channel it toward good things? That one, I will never know either, I'm afraid.

On to good news, my brother is visiting me this coming weekend. I love my family and so rarely get to see them. I am so excited to see him. I can't wait for him to see the kids at this age, so much fun.

I visited my mom and a friend recently, which was wonderful. It is such a rarity these days, makes the time even more special. The downside to this sort of thing is that "let down" period after it's over. I don't know how many of you deal with this, but it has always affected me after anything I looked forward to. One year, my parents and brothers visited for the holidays while I was pregnant with Drew. I had so much anticipation built up and was so happy to have them with me, I nearly crumbled when they all left. I seriously laid in my bed and sobbed for an entire day. I am sure this is far from *normal*, but hey-that's me! So, along with looking forward to something positive, I also have to brace myself for what I am faced with after. Sometimes I really have to weigh whether or not the positive thing is worth what comes later.

Anyway, that was supposed to be the good news, what happened? I guess I am feeling a little depressed and it kind of taints even the intended good thoughts.

One of the *good* things I had left to tell you was supposed to be about an unexpected job offer for part time work that I would absolutely LOVE to do, but it still hasn't come through. I had just finished volunteer-training at a non profit center and was contacted about a paid position that had just opened. I was very interested, and became very excited about it, knowing that the type of work is just what I was intended for. I feel a bit discouraged now, after learning they were reviewing other applications for the position. I thought they had contacted me to avoid having to do that, but I think I was wrong. However, I don't think they have made a final decision yet, so maybe I am still in the running-I don't know. Hope so. I will surely let you know when I find out!

I am in the process of deleting all past posts. It's taking a ridiculous amount of time because of my stupid connection that is why you may see things disapear.

Hope YOU have a wonderful week full of GOOD things.


Aunt Becky said...

So very glad that you're okay! I've been wondering where you went.

cc1sillygoose said...

So good to hear from you......I hope you will still post every once in awhile (like I am one to talk, I have not posted for months) Stay well!